Every time I go to write this post, I leave the page empty and back away. I want to say hi, I miss it here where it always feels nice and warm, with all of you. But something keeps holding me back from the words I have to say.

Actually I know what that something is:

Not Wanting To Be Negative.

With the miserable things a life update has to offer – like having to pause university, having Strep A, Labyrinthitis and Iron and Potassium deficiencies all this year or the fact there’s more – that makes writing one with my want to be positive (as much for me as anyone else) tricky.

I don’t want those things to be what I have with me to share and it also hits harder sharing all of it to the world; as if, by doing so, it would make the shield I’ve built in my head to get through all of this crumble.

So I guess this won’t really be a life update, but I don’t know what else to call it. It has an update within it, I guess, but a proper update would be too much so I won’t push it.

What’s Helped Me.

I’ve continued to write (as that part has always been for me) and, like it always does, it’s acted as therapy. Even one word – that doesn’t seem like anything – written down can hugely help.

I’ve had my family, who always manage to anchor me – even in the hardest of times and who’ve been incredible.

I’ve had my amazing best buddy (who I met around this time last year in a virtual group) and I even met them in-person just before Christmas.

I’ve also had the warm feeling that comes with finding who you really are and the end of feeling like you’re too much and therefore have to keep parts of yourself hidden for anyone to care and love for you.

To cover the last point: yes, I was always brought up knowing my family would accept me – it was just always the outside world and the mirroring from that which was long imbedded. (Something I’ll be discussing more later.)

These are the things that have been getting me through and I think, even as hard as it is, it’s a great thing to hold up your hands and say “yes life’s been crap but I’ve held on and I’m proud of that”.

Time To Feel Proud.

It’s an achievement and it’s one to always be proud of, so I’ll start:

Yes, I had a minor surgery (the first stage of SNM) and the recovery was worse than I’d expected but I got through it.

Yes, I deferred uni but I put my needs in that moment first.

Yes, I’ve spent most of this year asleep with additional illnesses but I managed to not think I was failing (or at least not to the level I would have done).

Yes, I’ve had a hard year but I’ve actually begun to find myself.

And yes, I haven’t been on here in months but I took the time I needed whilst all the above was going on.

Now it’s your turn: what are you proud of yourself for?

Tig (They/Them) x

---

Support this content and more via buy me a coffee

Save To Pinterest:

Click on image and press “pin” to save this post onto Pinterest; if reading via email, please click onto the site post before doing so.