I used to think loving someone so much it hurts was bad. But then I learnt how it feels to go from thinking you’ll never be healthily (romantically) loved to finding your home, your safe place, your rock.
That knot at the pit of your stomach; tied tightly one time, two times, how many times more? Losing yourself, the waking and then haunting realisation that you don’t know who you are.
The pure dread of not knowing if you ever will. Perhaps, in reality, you never did know; that weird feeling that maybe this helps and maybe it doesn’t.
I thought I’d film my latest day surgery (and helped keeping me calmer by doing so), I have some other DITLs filmed – just needing editing – and I really want to get into filming more!
For once you treated me quite well letting life blossom just as the leaves fall sure you were ruthless too are you even capable of doing otherwise in this weird, troubled relationship between me and you? making dreams of old and new reality even long some’s hope had faded like an old photograph, restoration long overdue stained over time with troublesome liquid a decade after you began to be a foe perhaps you’re trying to set a redo it’ll never work but continue trying next year and the year after I plead one thing is for definite, so clearly true even an apology will take much work but one day maybe the hate won’t spew
I think the best way to describe this year would be that it’s been “dosed in additional illness and self-discovery”, with very high ups and deep down lows. It’s impossible to describe some of these and, others, are simply too personal and therefore private.
Tig Ellis - The Zebra With Rainbow Stripes 