That knot at the pit of your stomach; tied tightly one time, two times, how many times more? Losing yourself, the waking and then haunting realisation that you don’t know who you are.
The pure dread of not knowing if you ever will. Perhaps, in reality, you never did know; that weird feeling that maybe this helps and maybe it doesn’t.
I thought I’d film my latest day surgery (and helped keeping me calmer by doing so), I have some other DITLs filmed – just needing editing – and I really want to get into filming more!
For once you treated me quite well letting life blossom just as the leaves fall sure you were ruthless too are you even capable of doing otherwise in this weird, troubled relationship between me and you? making dreams of old and new reality even long some’s hope had faded like an old photograph, restoration long overdue stained over time with troublesome liquid a decade after you began to be a foe perhaps you’re trying to set a redo it’ll never work but continue trying next year and the year after I plead one thing is for definite, so clearly true even an apology will take much work but one day maybe the hate won’t spew
I think the best way to describe this year would be that it’s been “dosed in additional illness and self-discovery”, with very high ups and deep down lows. It’s impossible to describe some of these and, others, are simply too personal and therefore private.
The break between accessibility posts is two months longer than it should have been, so let’s recap on the basics of web accessibility for anyone who is new here or, at least, is new to the series.
It’s been such a long time since I last posted about what books I’ve been reading (which, to be honest, has been to a much lower level than usual) and I love chatting about books so I’m excited to be back at it. Without further ado, let’s get into it – shall we?
About: After a fall, Amy can’t remember the last six months, an upcoming holiday or being with Jack. Despite everyone’s awe, his air chills Amy and she begins to question reality.
My Review: After loving the “sliding door” feel of Frances’ other books, this was disappointing with it being wildly unbelievable in an array of reasons.
My Rating: 3.2 stars
Price: 2 for £7 [Paperbacks] on Amazon – offer unavailable, now £6.29
About: A night before her unwanted marriage, Fury’s drawn by the city’s tomb. Disregarding the fact it’s heavily guarded with no women allowed inside, Fury makes her journey.
My Review: I didn’t fully absorb the story (not because of the book), but still enjoyed its beautiful written and ability to be relatable despite how far it was to my own life.
About: After falling for Ethan, Nick learns he probably should’ve researched first but they eventually begin a happily ever after future.
My Review: Although cheesy and unrealistic, I felt swept away by its fun imagination and would gladly read more from Bernhard.
My Rating: 3. 4 stars
Price: free – now 77p
Romeo & Julian – Free Fall
Author: Bealevon Nolan
About: Romeo, an undercover communist party informant, is the only local witness of a major event. But meeting German paratrooper Julian, who after years of hiding his identity is ready to give up, is more important.
My Review: Once I’d begun I was hoping it would redeem itself by changing the sequence but its romanticising of sexual assault left me appalled.
About: After a cold welcome by her late father’s wealthy family, Aurelia finishes his novel with unflatteringly tales about them as she fights to keep her identity hidden and for answers about her his death and mother’s disappearance.
My Review: Whilst not gaging me as I’d hoped, it felt the exciting to read and, had I read it another time, I’d likely have been more gaged.
About: Meeting at the post office, Arthur’s only in New York for the summer and Ben carries a box of his ex’s things. After repeatedly being pulled together, they start to wonder if they’re each other’s fate.
My Review: The characters are developed so well you’re almost instantly routing for them as a couple and as individuals. The ending was a little disappointing but I’m excited about where it’ll lead.
About: Two decades after her son was lead away by two ten-year-olds, Denise remembers their story and ensures James is thought of as the happy child he was instead of his murder.
My Review: With this, Fergus has done an incredible job at both telling the story of James’ beautiful life and the devastation after.
About: At a Halloween party, Joyce storms off when her story about witnessing a murder isn’t believed. Later she’s found drowned in an apple-bobbing tub, but is it the only murder?
My Review: It disappointingly feels far from Christie’s other books and its Halloween theme – which I looked forward to – is limited.
About: After Nick came out to his mother, he and Charlie are now officially together. With many others to tell and a school trip to Paris, they’ll need each other more than ever.
My Review: The story takes on a more serious tone with a developing storyline of mental health which I feel could’ve used more development.
About: Simon’s plans to enjoy his last school year are ruined by a break up, a pesky best friend, a missing room-mate and longtime nemesis, and those trying to stop him as the most powerful magician.
My Review: With fully immersive writing that doesn’t take itself seriously and fab characters, this is the supernatural book I’ve longed for.
About: After a hard year, student Tori meets fellow loner Micheal arrives and, for them to stop, must investigate a group’s soaring pranks on the school.
My Review: With happy and sad hues, the tale wonderfully depicts real life issues like mental illness and the complexities of friendships.
About: Simon fell in love, beat the villain, won the war but now he can’t move from the sofa. His best friend says a change of scenery is needed, leading to a troubled trip to America.
My Review: I love that it touches on more sensitive subjects like mental health and growing up whilst continuing a sort of fun that lifts the whole plot.
About: After Katherine meets Michael, they’re constantly together – to her parents’ concern – and soon start having sex, but will finishing school and adult life get in the way?
About: Oddly allured The Scream painting and supposedly having the Evil Eye’s power, David Gran moves in; sparking evil forces only stoppable by a trip to her occult birthplace.
My Review: Despite not using book age-guides, maybe it’s key on this as I feel, if I were that, it would’ve been fun – not confusing and boring.
About: Nothing will stop Frances’ way to elite university but meeting podcaster Aled, who fights dark secrets, means a whole new world opens up and she must confront her past.
My Halfway Thoughts: I’ve been loving Alice Oseman’s work recently and, although this isn’t my favourite, it’s still good.
About: By the 1940s, Turning’s machines were breaking Enigma-enciphered messages, he developed the first digital computer design and more. However, criminalised for homosexuality, he took his own life at 41.
My Review: I’ve been interested in Turing for a long time (I’m a computer geek, surprise!) so I’m taking my time to learn more about him, what he did and his life and it’s really interesting.
About: Finding a handsome homeless man on her doorstep, she invites him in but there’s just two questions: can she fall in love again? And what’s he hiding?
My Reason: I actually got this for my eldest sister last Easter and she thought it was so good that she’s passed it for us to read.
About: A hacker gains Hollyoaks villagers’ emails and leaks the information. To stop the person on their trail they start a devastating misinformation campaign.
My Reason: I’ve loved the other Hollyoaks books that we’ve read and this one has been sitting on the shelf for a while.
Other Bookish Bits.
On TV: I’m so excited for the second series of Heartstopper!
53 Books: We’re behind on our Goodreads challenge but I’m sure we can get there..
Waterstones: I may havegot some special Waterstones book editions 😊
I will be posting about three spring reads next week, so keep your eyes peeled! For now though, I hope you enjoy this and will join in with the bookish conversation!
Every time I go to write this post, I leave the page empty and back away. I want to say hi, I miss it here where it always feels nice and warm, with all of you. But something keeps holding me back from the words I have to say.
I’ve been reluctant about sharing my story of discovering my identity in this way, and that’s because of multiple reasons if I’m being honest.
Firstly, I’m very lucky – compared with too many others – to have my very supportive family, and therefore I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t tell my story as surely what I have to say won’t be as worth sharing in a way of helping others maybe?
Secondly, I don’t want it to be seen as anything more than a straight person’s sexuality would be and I’ve been worried that if I talk about it more than just in passing it will become so.
But, then I thought that I’d share it, because I had a gut instinct that I needed to. Also, I’m an advocate that everyone’s story holds much worth, as much as everybody does, so surely it would be wrong to continue with that?
As for the latter, I hope that it won’t as I’m thinking that it shouldn’t really do so; the story is about finding my identity as an LGBT+ member, and that is something which every LGBT+ member will hold.
Tig Ellis - The Zebra With Rainbow Stripes 